Posts Tagged ‘ Coming Out ’

Coming Out

Ever since I was around 13, I never really felt like I was normal.  I never fit in during school and had a hard time making friends.  People would ask me why I never had a girlfriend or cared about girls. The thing is that I never really felt attracted to them after I discovered that I was going through puberty.  The reactions that a guy usually had around a girl were what I had around my younger male teachers.  I remember a feelings of anxiousness when my gym teacher would play football or basketball with everyone in gym.  Something just felt right about what I was experiencing and that was when I knew about my attraction for men.  The only problem was that gay people were being made fun of by anyone and everyone.

Not wanting to lose any friends that I had accumulated over the years in middle school; I kept everything to myself.  By the eighth grade I was very careful about how I acted around people.  I chose who my friends were and avoided the guys who were out about their sexuality because I did not want to be labeled as gay.  I was so scared of what would happen if I revealed anything personal about myself and never went out to have fun with people.  I was trapping myself in a bubble because I did not want to reveal too much about myself with fear that I would be found out.  There was always something in the news about how something horrible happened to a gay male or female whether it was a hate crime or someone committing suicide.  I didn’t want to end up as one of the people getting bullied or even worse.

Middle School ended and High School happened.  I thought that everything was done and over with and everyone would move on because they would grow a little.  It was High School after all.  Aren’t people supposed to grow up and try to get along with each other?  The answer to that question would be a big fat no.  There were kids who came out and they were made fun of constantly.  There was absolutely no chance that I would come out to my friends and everything was building up inside of me.  Feelings of inadequacy surfaced and I couldn’t stand the feeling of being gay.  I had to get rid of the feelings that I had and talk with some gay men so I faked some profiles online and got to know more about gay culture.

The more that I read on gay dating websites, I knew how to cope with not fitting in.  The problem was that I had to know what my family thought of me.  I then decided to come out to my family, this task was not easy.  The first steps that I took were preparing myself so that I could tell my mother.  She is my mother of course and would not judge but I was still nervous.  I eventually worked up the courage of telling her after about 3 attempts.  After awhile the rest of my family (except for my homophobic brother) knew about me.

The last people to know were my close friends and a couple of good teachers.

The one thing that I don’t regret is coming out.  There was a weight lifted off of my chest.  The reason why so many people want to come out isn’t understood by most.  When you live in a world where being gay is made fun of, it really hurts to bottle everything up inside.  If you know anyone who is gay, you shouldn’t persecute them.  When people bottle everything up inside and let those feelings of inferiority and stress build up, it could lead to suicide.

 

It Gets Better

Recently I came upon a couple of videos on YouTube that piqued my interest.  One is by somebody that I know but the others are by people who are famous like celebrities.  These videos are for anybody who is going through the hardships of being harassed because they are gay.  The videos may be made generally for that reason but their message can be applied to all people who go through hardships in their lives.  The following videos are of Jody Hirsh, John Quale (Prince Poppycock), Apple Employees, Google Employees, and Disney Employees.

The speaker in this video grew up in a time where being gay was not okay.  He speaks about not wanting to be gay.  If his secret would have gotten out during the period of Stonewall in the 1960s, he could have even lost his career.  Many choose to take their lives because they can’t deal with the bullying or pressure of being found out.  People like Jody should have existed back in the time period that he speaks of because it would have made everything a little better for everyone.

This video really meant a lot.  This guy went through a lot of the stuff that everyone else is going through today but he lived through it to tell his tale.  The one sad thing that he is talking about is all the suicides that are going on in America and around the world.  The bullying needs to be stopped so that these can end.  Gay youth and any youth in general should not feel like they are hated by everyone just because they’re different.

This one was really sad.  I could barely make it through because of the fact that the one man thought that he should end his life.  All of these people are from young to old and they had to deal with the oppression.  It’s just horrible that they felt that they’d be free from everything if they took their life.

This video is rather upsetting.  These people didn’t just picked on because of their sexuality, they were also teased based solely on being geeky while others were not able to express their gender identity.

I’m pretty sure that Disney is one of the best makers of these videos.  They play the right music at the perfect times.  Some of these people didn’t just go through mental and verbal abuse, they were subjected to physical abuse.  This kind of stuff needs to be stopped.  The behavior of the bullies is what isn’t normal.

All of these videos have the same message, “It gets better”.  Many adults and youth are oppressed every day and tend to have horrible lives because of their sexuality.  These videos aren’t just for GLBT people, it is also for anyone who has felt oppressed over the years and just wants to end it.  I was one of the people who was teased in school.  I was overweight, had long hair, and large man breasts.  People teased me mercilessly because I was different.  My friends started to kind of abandon me and tease me while other people would do the same.  I know what it is like to be different.

For more stories and information about the Trevor Project, please click here.

If you have any stories about being bullied, please feel free to share them in the comment box below.  All comments are moderated so there shouldn’t be any harassment that slips through and if there is, I will block that person from commenting or delete their comment.