Journal Entry: The Hated Sibling

All of my life, I have been taught that families should be close-knit.  Mothers and fathers love their children and instill rules to them while the grandparents, aunts, and uncles spoil the children until they become rotten.  This is your average American family.  Although this may be the idea of the typical family, there are always fights and usually siblings seem to be the ones that ruin your day.  Our parents usually tell us to “kiss and make up” and most of the time that helps but at times, there is no hope for a sibling relationship to prosper when the other person drives you to your breaking point every single day.  

If you’re ready to criticize me and tell me that my brother is just misunderstood and that I should love him, this post is not for you.  Make sure to read this carefully to understand what a disaster my brother is and the devastation and despair that he causes for the people around him…

I always had trouble getting along with my brother.  There was never a moment where he would behave, even from the moment that he was a little kid.  He was only mildly annoying and kind of cute as well.  The things that he did to annoy me were mild compared to what he does today.  He would do his occasional tattle tale routine when he could speak and once he was able to walk, he learned to unlatch the crib that he slept in and would sneak out while I was asleep.  Everything then was normal and calm except for those small things that he did.  I genuinely loved him because when he was not being an annoying little twerp, he was actually quite sweet.  We grew up together and since my mother never let me out to play, I was always stuck playing with either him or my cousin.  Those times of our lives were the most pleasant because nothing seemed to go wrong; I was 5 and he was 2.  

As he aged, things started to become difficult.  He started to grow selfish as did I.  We would fight over toys and learned to brawl with each other.  There was no hope of getting along except for when we were over a family member’s house and there were no toys to be found.  He was still a nice little brother and it was not all bad.  When we weren’t fighting, we were partners in crime; always getting into trouble when we went searching through drawers that we weren’t supposed to and started throwing food that we didn’t like at each other.  From the ages of 5 – 7, I was fine with my brother.  We still got along and had fun but something started to change between us.  This is when my brother’s father got a divorce from my mother and took my brother away.  For awhile, it was nice having my own room to myself and I learned to live on my own for close to a year.  I saw what life was like when I didn’t have the fights happening or the arguments between my brother and I.  This is probably where things went from mildly bad to worse.  He came back about a year later and everything changed and went back to how it was before, for the most part.  The part that wasn’t the same was how we got along, he made me so angry at times that I couldn’t stand it.

Our childhood may have been like most other childhoods between brothers but the real trouble started when he turned 15.  I have to admit that I was a difficult child to handle for my mother once I hit 13 but by the time I turned 15, I had settled down because I was a Freshman in High School and was quite shy.  My brother on the other hand turned into a complete monster (I must let you in on a little problem that should have been mentioned earlier.  My brother’s father is a complete monster.  He manipulates and uses people until he can not get anything out of them anymore, he is a liar and thief who did not finish High School, has no work ethic, and is a complete disaster to anyone around him.  He is so vile that he sent his girlfriend to kill my mother but never got in trouble for it.  She is still alive and he failed to harm her).  Something changed when my brother started going through puberty, it wasn’t just hormones.  He was turning into something that looks and acts like it came from the ghetto, some vile creature that smells like cheap cologne, walks like they crapped their pants (his underwear looked like it), and has the attitude of someone that thinks everything is entitled to them.  My brother was emulating the bad influences in his life and nothing seemed to phase this.  My mother and grandparents did not know what to do and tried to change this but all efforts failed (counselling was used too).  Nothing worked on him and he just got worse.

Let’s fast forward to today.  My brother progressed into someone that is just a manipulative asshole just like his father.  You will see why after reading this that I hate him.  

Here is just a small list of things that my brother does to make my family’s life a living hell and why he should be sent to live with his father for the rest of his teenage years.

  • He has stolen (from family and kids at school), lies, and cheats people.
  • Does nothing for anyone but himself and thinks that he is entitled to have everything that he wishes and does not care what anyone thinks about it.
  • He fights with my mother and treats her like a doormat and proceeds to yell and scream in my mother’s face until she is in tears when he does not get his way.
  • Treats other family members like total shit and does not care for their needs.  He does not show any form of empathy toward anyone but his friends and girlfriend.
  • He brings everyone into his drama even if it originated from another source outside of the family.  
  • Hoards food and would not care if anyone else needed some.
  • Stays out until late hours partying and doing drugs, he even sells them at times and puts our lives in danger because he is the type of person to cheat someone out of their drugs (the selling is on and off).  This could result in someone coming and shooting up our house if he does something stupid.
  • He puts my mother at risk because she has been forced into driving him to fights because he wouldn’t take no for an answer.  She could be held liable for the child’s injuries because she knew about it and did not stop the fight (When I said that she is a doormat for him, I should have also mentioned that she has no control over him and he has all that he needs over her.  She is in denial over this and will not accept the fact or does not want to think that she does not control her demon spawn).
  • Goes out and has sex with strange girls and has had some even get pregnant (Thank G-d for abortion and miscarriages).  That could have a long lasting effect on my family because they might have to take care of his spawn and he would not give it up even if he is not financially secure (neither is my family for another child).
  • He constantly puts my mother at risk of going to court or prison because he refuses to go to school or do his work (he is in online school but when he is not in that, he fights with everyone and sometimes gets physical when confronted and screamed at).

From the list you can see why I do not like or even remotely love him.  He tears apart our family by causing drama and there is never peace around our household.  His behavior is irreversible and he has the personality of a backwoods redneck (nobody likes them).  When thinking about the things that he does, causes, or is capable of doing (hurting my mother physically, causing her to get sent to prison, or doing something horrible to someone in society); I stop caring about him and immediately hate him.  He is a curse upon mankind and will most likely fail in his upcoming life ahead or be killed by someone that he cheats out of drugs.  He is not the most evil human being to live but he is still a vile, disgusting, and horrid creature that will probably one day end up in jail because he will be caught.  My mother was always trying to raise him right but he turned to his father who was a High School drop out and went to jail a couple of times while he was a teenager.  The bad influences started adding up and now my brother is on his way to a life of crime because he does not care about anyone else and is greedy.  His values are flawed and he has formed an opinion that is a fact to him that he is self entitled to everything that somebody else has, he will do anything to get something that he wants.

This monster is the number one cause of misery in my life because I share a room with IT and deal with its problems constantly.  I’ve tried forgiving and forgetting but the stuff that he does to my family sets me over the edge because he is hurting them and does not care.  This vile and self absorbed thing is what I am ashamed to call my brother and think of as a blood relation.


Coming Out

Ever since I was around 13, I never really felt like I was normal.  I never fit in during school and had a hard time making friends.  People would ask me why I never had a girlfriend or cared about girls. The thing is that I never really felt attracted to them after I discovered that I was going through puberty.  The reactions that a guy usually had around a girl were what I had around my younger male teachers.  I remember a feelings of anxiousness when my gym teacher would play football or basketball with everyone in gym.  Something just felt right about what I was experiencing and that was when I knew about my attraction for men.  The only problem was that gay people were being made fun of by anyone and everyone.

Not wanting to lose any friends that I had accumulated over the years in middle school; I kept everything to myself.  By the eighth grade I was very careful about how I acted around people.  I chose who my friends were and avoided the guys who were out about their sexuality because I did not want to be labeled as gay.  I was so scared of what would happen if I revealed anything personal about myself and never went out to have fun with people.  I was trapping myself in a bubble because I did not want to reveal too much about myself with fear that I would be found out.  There was always something in the news about how something horrible happened to a gay male or female whether it was a hate crime or someone committing suicide.  I didn’t want to end up as one of the people getting bullied or even worse.

Middle School ended and High School happened.  I thought that everything was done and over with and everyone would move on because they would grow a little.  It was High School after all.  Aren’t people supposed to grow up and try to get along with each other?  The answer to that question would be a big fat no.  There were kids who came out and they were made fun of constantly.  There was absolutely no chance that I would come out to my friends and everything was building up inside of me.  Feelings of inadequacy surfaced and I couldn’t stand the feeling of being gay.  I had to get rid of the feelings that I had and talk with some gay men so I faked some profiles online and got to know more about gay culture.

The more that I read on gay dating websites, I knew how to cope with not fitting in.  The problem was that I had to know what my family thought of me.  I then decided to come out to my family, this task was not easy.  The first steps that I took were preparing myself so that I could tell my mother.  She is my mother of course and would not judge but I was still nervous.  I eventually worked up the courage of telling her after about 3 attempts.  After awhile the rest of my family (except for my homophobic brother) knew about me.

The last people to know were my close friends and a couple of good teachers.

The one thing that I don’t regret is coming out.  There was a weight lifted off of my chest.  The reason why so many people want to come out isn’t understood by most.  When you live in a world where being gay is made fun of, it really hurts to bottle everything up inside.  If you know anyone who is gay, you shouldn’t persecute them.  When people bottle everything up inside and let those feelings of inferiority and stress build up, it could lead to suicide.


New Hampshire Perfume Ban To Be Considered By Legislators Again

I’m quite sure that this law cannot and will not pass. It is a good idea though. I know many people who have asthma and allergies and can not stand being around perfume. It would help eliminate problems for others who experience difficulty with breathing. I would like to suggest that anti-perspirant deodorant be worn so that the employees do not smell bad. Although cologne and perfume are pleasant things to smell, they are not necessary.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Rush Limbaugh To Republicans: Don’t Negotiate With Obama On Fiscal Cliff

Backing down would be a bad decision for the Republicans. Both sides need to come together and publicly negotiate on how to stop us from going over the fiscal cliff. Allowing Obama to become stuck with the aftermath of a bill backfiring would be bad. Rush probably thinks that Republicans couldn’t be blamed after that happening but the sad and ugly truth is that they could be. Walking away would mean that Republicans are as responsible for not doing anything to stop the problems that could arise from Obama’s plan.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Memoto Camera Creator Imagines Life With Total Recall

My problem would be being able to recall the memories that are not so delightful. Images like those that we see when looking down at a man with his butt crack showing while standing in line for something are unpleasant. I can say that I will not be buying this product. Although it is quite useful for a situation where you forget something, some things should not be remembered.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Annoying Facebook Friends: 7 Reasons Why People Don’t ‘Like’ Your Posts

I have to agree with a lot of these reasons. I have hidden some people from my news feed because their constant game requests, political rants/propaganda, and annoying statuses have succeeded in infuriating me. The problem with Facebook users is that they think that the internet is a perfect place to spread their message. Self expression is great and all but not when every status is about someone’s gloomy and pathetic evening alone and coming faster than a redneck speeding down the highway in his “pick em up” truck to buy the latest Toby Keith album before anyone else.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Saxby Chambliss: ‘I Care A Lot More About’ America Than About Grover Norquist (VIDEO)

I have to agree with you there. The problem with these extremists is that they hold too much power and any conservative with a good amount of sense is too afraid to speak up against them. If the extremists with all of the power are taken out of the equation, what we would be left with could help the country get back on track. Not all of us conservatives are completely inflexible and senseless. The problem is that people are afraid to be ganged up on and labeled as wrong. The good conservatives seem to go along with what everyone else says because they feel pressured to.

Eliminating people with the Rush Limbaugh like mindset from power would make things a little bit easier. His uncontrolled tone and smugness tends to stick with a lot of the high profile republicans. If people wouldn’t be so afraid to speak out then there might be some hope of republicans and democrats getting along. This is just my observation of my own political party.
More on Grover Norquist
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost